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Learning is Embedded in Relationship
Building on the foundation of a healthy brain at birth, the critical first three years teach a child—via her relationships—myriad important lessons for a healthy self (“I’m effective in the world,” “I can trust others to be there for me,” and so on.) A child who is securely attached to his parents is deeply motivated to behave in harmony with them. This becomes a positive feedback loop in him which gradually expands outward to include the wider world in the category of “those who matter to me.”
Children take our cues about how to treat themselves, others and the environment—with compassionate care or mindless disregard. We need to embody the peace we want them to manifest one day. Children learn unfortunate lessons of cynicism (a subtle violence) when their parents pleasurably criticize friends, acquaintances, politicians. Choose words that are kind, beautiful, meaningful and clear. Children absorb the inner and outer atmosphere we create.
Be peace for them, from the very beginning.
 About the Author:
Marcy Axness, Ph.D., is an early development specialist, adjunct professor at Santa Barbara Graduate Institute, and popular speaker on attachment, culture, and child & parent development. Dr. Axness has a counseling practice in the Los Angeles area specializing in fertility, pregnancy & birth psychology, adoption and early parenting. Reach her via her website at www.QuantumParenting.com or at
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.
 This article appeared in Pathways to Family Wellness magazine, Issue #18.
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